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This is hard (and maybe a little weird) to admit, but I never thought that I’d mistreat others the way I was mistreated earlier in my career. And yet I did. I fell into a trap of my own making, perpetrating misconduct that I’d seen others exhibit before, and I don’t think I was even cognizant of it at the time.
The trap is called “toxic boss syndrome,” and once I became aware that I was suffering from it, I had to go into symptom treatment mode immediately. What kind of symptoms was I displaying? Well, to name a few, I made promises that I didn’t keep. I’d dangle carrots to get people to stay. I’d call my employees after hours just to vent to them. No, no and no. OMG, what was I thinking?
In hindsight, I suppose I thought these measures would grow my business and bond me to my staff. In actuality, I was overstepping, overreaching and overcompensating for what were actually my own deficiencies. Instead of breeding loyalty, some really good people left my company, and let me tell you, nothing makes the heart listen more than a bad breakup.
Losing those people proved to be my entry ticket into rehab, and now I consider myself a recovery agent advocating for the golden rule above all else. Here’s how I got there.
Confession #1: I offered no training and no feedback, but I expected excellence
When my nascent PR firm was burgeoning, I thought all my efforts should be dedicated to growing my client list and showing a profit. In the process, I was quick with criticism, I skipped essential foundational steps, and I never asked for feedback.
I thought leading meant directing people, and yet I was expecting everyone to hit their marks without ever giving them clear instructions and finite, manageable deliverables.
Solution: When my imagined script wasn’t being followed, I eventually had to stop in my tracks and actually start listening. I had to ask for input as to why benchmarks weren’t being achieved and people weren’t kicking ass in their roles. What I heard? Ouch. It prompted me to take a long, hard look in the mirror and realize that I was providing no training, no guidance, and I was not equipping my staff with the tools they needed to succeed.
Now I do. I both request constructive criticism and readily provide feedback, intentionally crafted to develop my team’s talents. I have a solid onboarding process in place and conduct regular check-ins with my staff. I’m still learning in this area — I still jump into the deep end sometimes and try to figure things out as a person, not just a boss. But I’m no longer a one-woman show barking out orders.
Related: What Makes You a Unicorn in Your Industry? Start by Mastering These 4 Pillars
Confession #2: To be respected as the boss, I acted like a robot
As I was assembling my team, it seemed like everyone wanted me to be professional. So, even though it went against my inherent nature, I was formal, I tried to be objective, and I considered it a weakness to let anyone see that I really had no clue how to run a business. I didn’t doubt my PR skills at all, but I didn’t spend sufficient time learning how to operate my agency as a fully functioning, well-oiled entity.
Solution: The robotic facade just wasn’t working for me. And it certainly wasn’t working for my staff. I wasn’t approachable, and I sensed distance and standoffishness in our midst. When I discovered that everyone just wanted me to be real, it freed me to shed my (fake) layers of invincibility, allowing me to reveal that I actually had more questions than answers about team dynamics.
As I sloughed my unnatural skin and let people see that I didn’t, in fact, have it all together, I became far more relatable, able to show vulnerability and be my real self. In turn, my employees felt less restricted and more open to being their genuine selves.
Things started shifting pretty quickly after that, and now I like to think propriety has been replaced with warmth, and I’m respected for my authenticity, not out of obligation.
Related: Are You This Kind of Toxic Boss? Here’s How You Can Find Out
Confession #3: I felt the success of my business rested entirely with me
I’m the one making the hires, I’m the one signing the paychecks, and I’m the one my clients bring any complaints to, so the fate of my whole operation falls completely on me, right? Wrong. As a business owner, you learn pretty fast that you can’t do it alone.
You can’t be in two places at one time, you can’t serve multiple masters in a single day, and you can’t make everyone happy all the time. “I will do it.” “I will make it happen.” “I can fix this.” Nope. But “we” can.
Solution: Perhaps the biggest game-changer in my firm has been the transition from the “This is my business” mindset to the “This is our business” mindset. I had to learn firsthand that every single person who reports to me makes a singular impact and has something meaningful to add to the conversation. Not only was it exhausting trying to carry the whole load on my own, but my business wasn’t benefiting from all the wonderfully diverse perspectives and skill sets I had available.
I’ll always be proud of starting my business as a single mom who had only a dream and a lot of naive gumption. But what has made that dream a reality is seeing my staff as partners, as equals, as co-creatives. We are so unbelievably stronger together than we are apart, and we’re achieving so much more as a tight-knit band than I ever could have done as Atlas trying to bear the weight on my shoulders alone.
Related: Avoid Costly Hiring Mistakes by Spotting These Employee Warning Signs
Confession #4: I invested in my business instead of my people
When things started taking off, I thought I needed systems and sites and external connections to fly. So I’d allocate resources to CRMs and productivity software, to office space rentals, press wire subscriptions and third-party professional contracts to take care of the financial and legal aspects of my company.
This isn’t necessarily a misstep — my business requires a lot of this; it just can’t be your only step in terms of where you funnel part of your profits. By concentrating on the cogs in the wheel, I somehow lost sight of what actually makes the engine of my company run: the people powering it. They weren’t being taken care of like my ledger books and meeting agendas were, and because of that, I wasn’t tapping into their fullest potential.
Solution: Now I take care of my crew first and foremost — yes, even above my clientele — and the result has been turning us from a work team into a loyal tribe. I’d do anything for them and they know it, whether that means bonus plans, pay raises, in-person retreats, flex time or running interference for them when they hit obstacles.
Most recently, I’ve commissioned an HR consultant to assess and boost workplace satisfaction, and we’re all really excited about the company’s charitable initiative we’re ramping up, an idea that came directly from my staff.
By consciously deciding to look to my staff as my greatest source of ROI, I’m excited and empowered to keep investing more in them and then letting the fruits of our joint labors flower as they will. When they know they’re my top priority, we all achieve top results together. Even more, we’re all growing up professionally together, and it’s a truly great feeling.
When I was starting out in the PR space, I recall a few work environments where it felt like everyone was walking on eggshells around my superiors. I remember thinking, “Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t everyone just do their job well while being well supported?” Even then, before “toxic” became a buzzword, I knew the balance of power was off and that things didn’t feel right.
And yet I made my own people feel like that for a time — something I’ll always regret. I’m the boss now. You’re the boss. We have control over the environment we create and the culture we cultivate. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Do a toxic temperature check and, if necessary, get yourself into recovery. The health of your workplace will skyrocket, and your team will function more effectively and abundantly than ever before.
This is hard (and maybe a little weird) to admit, but I never thought that I’d mistreat others the way I was mistreated earlier in my career. And yet I did. I fell into a trap of my own making, perpetrating misconduct that I’d seen others exhibit before, and I don’t think I was even cognizant of it at the time.
The trap is called “toxic boss syndrome,” and once I became aware that I was suffering from it, I had to go into symptom treatment mode immediately. What kind of symptoms was I displaying? Well, to name a few, I made promises that I didn’t keep. I’d dangle carrots to get people to stay. I’d call my employees after hours just to vent to them. No, no and no. OMG, what was I thinking?
In hindsight, I suppose I thought these measures would grow my business and bond me to my staff. In actuality, I was overstepping, overreaching and overcompensating for what were actually my own deficiencies. Instead of breeding loyalty, some really good people left my company, and let me tell you, nothing makes the heart listen more than a bad breakup.
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